![]() “Are you accusing me of taking your things? Remember, my job is to help you. When you ask the assistant manager if they’ve seen any of the documents, their angry reaction surprises you. Over the past few weeks, you’ve noticed documents disappearing from your desk and important phone messages not coming through. With the promotion comes an assistant manager - someone who wanted that same promotion. You’ve earned a promotion to be a manager. Even if you don’t believe them, you might end up questioning your evidence of their affair - or feeling bad for not being a “better” partner and try to make it up to them instead. The second, however, may be an attempt to make you feel guilty enough to drop the subject for good. ![]() And if I were cheating, it’s not like you could blame me, since you’re always too tired for sex.” You say you’re working, but who knows where you are? You’re probably the one cheating. I work all day and come home to spend time with you, but you’re never here. “What? No, of course I’m not cheating on you.”.You ask them about it directly, giving them a chance to be honest. You have some pretty convincing proof your partner cheated. Similar situations play out repeatedly, to the point where you begin wondering whether you are forgetting everything. “He can’t even remember a conversation from this morning!” “I’m just not sure about his state of mind,” she says. ![]() ![]() Later, you overhear her talking loudly on the phone. You say this, but she refuses to consider your version of events. “You stood right there and promised you’d be home early.”īut you remember making coffee quietly in the kitchen so you wouldn’t wake her. When you tell her you don’t recall that conversation about taking her to run errands, she shakes her head in disbelief. “I need my medication, but now the pharmacy will be closed by the time we get there.” “You said you’d be home right after work tonight,” she insists one day. The two of you get along fairly well, but she often questions you when you come home a little late. Here are some other examples of gaslighting in action: With family Doctors may gaslight when they suggest you’ve imagined your symptoms, imply that you’re exaggerating your pain, or recommend therapy instead of medical treatment. Politicians, for example, gaslight when they deny events recorded on video or witnessed by multiple people. But this denial of reality drains your energy, disconnecting you from yourself and leaving you feeling low and hopeless.Īnyone can gaslight, not just people in your personal life. Eventually, you accept their version of reality to avoid conflict and do whatever you can to earn their approval. After a few more instances of gaslighting, you start to defend yourself. It seems unusual, but you brush it off as a one-time thing. This often happens in three distinct stages, according to Stern, though not every gaslighting dynamic involves all three stages: It’s more nuanced, which can make it harder to recognize. Gaslighting isn’t the same as someone lying to you, expressing a different opinion, or saying you’re wrong about something.
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